Drowning in your sorrows

I promised to keep it all PG, and to me that is completely and utterly real, so whether it be me complaining about people’s dry skin or my chapped lips, I’ll tell you guys straight.

Sometimes it’s hard not to drown in your sorrows. I’ve recently just come back from a trip abroad, and although I previously had my reservations regarding the trip, it turned out to be just what I needed. But having come back home, I can’t help but feel down. I’ve found that I’m not longer just drowning in my sorrows, I’m currently dead in them. Just like if you were to drown in a pool or the sea, after a while you begin to sink, and everyone knows what happens then… You eventually die, that’s if a miracle doesn’t happen before then.

I think that just being down in the dumps is an easy way out, I don’t want to address my issues or talk about them because quite frankly at times I don’t even know what’s wrong I just knows things aren’t right. So here’s a tip for y’all, if someone asks “what’s wrong?”, reply to them saying “what’s right?” And trust me, they probably won’t respond for a few minutes or so, if they respond at all that is. I like to catch people unaware like that and be difficult at times. Sometimes you feel so overwhelmed that it’s hard to even put your finger on what’s even right, and trust me, although I hate feeling like this, it just makes me think. And yes I know, thinking probably shouldn’t really be on my agenda at the moment, seeing as my thoughts currently are not really positive but rather deep and depressing. And I know we’ve got the sun shining, humidity, temperatures soaring but that makes my situation even worse.

Like I pointed out, I just came back from a trip abroad and the temperatures were crazy, so lucky for me, I’ve come back with a tan, like that isn’t bad enough I’ve gone about 3 shades darker or so and have no make up that matches my current skin tone so everyday is now a no make up day which isn’t all bad tbh. So people have pointed out my change in complexion and although it annoys the living daylight out of me, I’ve resorted to mutter an all too familiar phrase (in my head this is as the suspects are African aunties) “that yes, I’ve been on holiday, I’ve gone darker but at least I don’t use bleaching cream like some of you guys” and that’s been keeping me sane and humorous for the past couple of days or so.

I can’t lie and say this hasn’t contributed to my current streak of moodiness or my reservations but it’s just made me realise how much outer appearance has become important to me. I don’t want to be someone I’m not, and yes my change in emotion or complexion shouldn’t decide that. But as humans, especially being of a young age, it’s hard not to be affected by things like this. But I refuse to become what I am not. I don’t know how, or how long but I’m determined to have a bath/shower 5 times a day if I have to which will hopefully scrub the blackness out of me and force myself out of this mood, just to return back to my normal self.

But like they say, once you go black you never go back and I might be extremely black at the moment but the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. Looool, even in the midst of my moodiness and being down, I always try to cheer myself up with sayings like this.

Love, Praise’Gbemisola x

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